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My Coher Bicide Posts


March 28, 2017 • mycoherbicide

I apologise if the first few pages of this blog have been a bit of a crazy mixture of ideas and words. Honestly, I’m still trying to figure it all out as I go, trying to get a sense of what it is that I’m doing in general, never mind just in this writing piece. IN truth, I’m a pretty normal guy, I work for a Louisville roofing company, I spend my days at work and my nights at home relaxing and watching these characters I look up to at night, and then spend a few hours working on pieces to add here. I rinse and repeat. Maybe it’s this circular routine that I’m trying to break, but can’t seem to do it as myself, so I invent this alter persona to do it for me.

This person who knows all the answers, who can look at a puzzle and have it just be a matter of time before figuring it out. Because for me, I look at the puzzles of life, and have absolutely no idea what piece goes where. I stare and stare at the problems ahead and have no idea how to fix them. Do I need a change in life? Pack everything up and move to some new place, and start over as a new person? No matter where I go I will always be myself, and I will always face the same things that I do now. And I worry that no matter what I do, the answers will always be vague.

I will envision myself as the hero of my story, the nameless face in the crowd that does things that no one would expect. Who has the capability to change the world as we know it with a few keystrokes and a genius plan. The silent killer that roams the streets looking for a fresh big bad enemy to eliminate for the greater good. To be someone who has an impact on the world. Rather than just on peoples roofs when they call the company I work for. Who doesn’t eat his lunch hanging off some strangers house looking at the lives of those who pass by with curiosity and a little envy.

Not that my life is bad, I really don’t want that to be the message I leave on this blog, I don’t hate my life, I just wish it was infused with a little more excitement. To make an impact on the world around me in some form of meaningful if even anonymous way. Who knows where my life will lead me, maybe if I want that life bad enough I should start studying, but then again, that life is kind of illegal, so maybe I should be thankful to just be in the life I am, and see what is laying around the corner for me. Who knows? Maybe you. Maybe you need to reply and let me know, maybe the person holding the pills is reading this right now.

Fresh Growth            

December 14, 2016 • mycoherbicide

It’s in this imaginary state that I allow myself to see the world in a different way, that just the way my eyes register everything is different. I see connections between phone lines and business signs, thinking of how I could subvert the power to certain letters to spell out secret messages to only those who understand. That there is some big interconnected web of people who think and see just like I do, who would instantly know of who I am, what I am capable of when it comes to this imaginary war against the machine. That we consider ourselves more awakened than those around us, there is some key that we have access to that others don’t.

My mind races to all of these imaginary outcomes that allow me to be more than who I am. That I’m not just some random guy doing random things, but a being awaiting awakening to do something magnificent with my life. Perhaps it’s that I find my life too placid, too boring to be noteworthy. Perhaps it’s just that there has always been some feeling that I wanted to do something bigger than myself at some point in my life but have yet to actually have the capability to do so. Maybe I’m just waiting to find my place in the world, and my love for these types of characters makes me wish that it was that version of self that I was destined to be.

I don’t know exactly where I’m heading with this description, perhaps I’m trying to find the exact words to properly describe what it is that I feel inside and have yet to find them. But moreover, I think I’m trying to figure it out myself, and kind of using you, the reader as a soundboard for it. Maybe you know something I don’t, maybe one of you is actually living the life I’m describing and can see what it is that I mean, know what I’m feeling, and maybe have the key to unlocking my understanding of it. I don’t expect to wake up tomorrow with the skills of a hacker, but at least to know what it is I’m seeking.

I feel kind of like Neo in The Matrix, before the pill, waiting to be awakened from this false reality and have my eyes opened to the real world. To know that this idea that I’ve had in my head that something is wrong with the world is actually true, or perhaps find out that maybe I’ve just been wasting time and mental effort on things and that I need to stop fantasizing and grow up. Either way would at least be an answer. I guess that’s what we’re all looking for in the grand scheme of things, some form of answer, and to know where it is that we rest in this world. What it is that we’re doing, and how we go about completing whatever goal is set out for our lives at the start.

Targeted Removal            

December 14, 2016 • mycoherbicide

For those of you looking for a gardening page, I’m sorry to surprise you. I am not a gardener, I don’t care about tulips or carrots planting, I am a subversive human, I am what you could call a troll, I am a specified organism that works to target a single item and linger in the soil for years, continually targeting that ideal, that object, that desire for life, until I move on to the next. I am much like a mycoherbicide, which is why I took the name for my own blog page. I am a hacker who sits in a dark room, staring at a glowing screen, and tackles some of the biggest companies in the world. At least in my own mind. You see, I’m just a guy, who really loves shows based on that one person who has the talent and capability to take down entire establishments.

Whether it’s on television, in the movies, I have always related to these characters, always wanted to be one myself. One who could monologue about all the ways that society is crashing down around us, how big corporations are ruining the world and commerce, and whatever else they target. I want to be that one outlier who is suspected by no one. Yet, instead, I’m the one on the couch, with the popcorn who enjoys watching, and wishing I could be more like that. Who had a life more interesting than the one I have. But I suppose that’s what the internet is for.

This blog gives me the means to talk about some of the things that I have on my own mind, to transform myself into someone else, someone heroic, someone like I see in my head and on the screen. That I could be the hero of my own made up story, taking on the giant machine by myself, just my skills and my keyboard in the darkest recesses of the internet. After all, what kind of angst filled teenager turned boring adult wouldn’t think that kind of life is awesome? You become the thorn in the side of the man just by being who you are.

I don’t know if many others out there think the way I do when it comes to these kinds of things, but I would like to think that I’m not the only one. Recently I started watching a show that is based solely off that concept, and I have to say, it has changed the entire way that I look at the world around me. Now of course, I’m not going to go out and try to topple some major corporate interest, but I do look around at the world with a different view, I don’t know how to explain it, but I feel like a different person walking in my own skin. Perhaps I could be getting too deep into this show, but perhaps something has finally awakened, allowing me to see things in a different light.